Tina Jensen

When I was a kid there was no such thing as instafame, viral videos, cyber bullying, make-up tutorials, iphones, androids, reality T.V., The Kardashians, Real Housewives, facebook, instagram, twitter, or contouring. Back then we had dial up America Online and if someone was really cool they borrowed their dad's pager. The internet, albeit exciting and luxurious, proved to be more of a nuisance. The speed was glacial, it took what felt like hours to "sign on", no one could call your home landline, and you were attached to a large desktop P.C. usually within arms reach of a sibling or parent. Oh, I am sorry. I should go back. I don't want to confuse anybody. A landline was a contraption similar to an iPhone that was used for communication. It had a base usually mounted to a wall and connecting the gadget was a long tangled curly cue cord that would transfer spoken word from household to household. You could manually push buttons that were numbers and there was even a hashtag! Although in those days we called it a pound sign. Cool, huh? And once you were finished talking with someone you would literally hang up the telephone on the wall and walk away to do something much more productive. Crazy shit, huh?  

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Recently, I was sitting on the couch mindlessly scrolling through facebook after scrolling through instagram, and realized that my child will never know what life is like without a smartphone. We now live life through a screen, we think in hashtags, in status updates, in selfies. Internet approval is more valued than self approval. And then it really hit me. I am so happy I am not having a daughter.
 

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Look, as I type, my baby is kicking and let's be real-all I want is a healthy kid. But the more I think about it, god damn being a woman is not easy. There is sexual harassment, assault, rape culture, lower wages, glass ceilings, objectification, menstruation, birth control, giving birth, dangerously psychotic standards of "beauty", being told to "smile", being told to "calm down", and the overall list of bullshit misogyny can go on and on. Girls are taken out of school for wearing leggings because they are "too revealing", while every magazine, T.V. show, and viral video out there is teaching us "how to be sexy". Women are shamed for breastfeeding in public because people are uncomfortable and have over sexualized tits. So, wait—who is the pervert? Being a woman is confusing!  

 

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"You're being emotional", "you need to think twice and speak once", "you're overreacting". These are all things that have not only been said to me as a woman, but as a pregnant woman. By men. And this is just a sampling because really how long can I ramble on in this blog.  A couple things here. First of all, if I were a man, another man would never say this kind of shit to me. I would be considered strong willed, passionate, and possibly revered for "telling it like it is".  Second of all, why the fuck would any man say these things to anyone, let alone a woman, and are-you-fucking-insane—a PREGNANT woman?! Are these men insensitive-controlling-pricks or just dumb as fuck? Jesus Christ. Oh, I'm sorry. I should apologize. I am a woman after all. So sorry. I need to calm down. Sorry. So sorry. Pardon me. Excuse me. Let me cross my legs and be a lady. Forget I said anything.
 

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Oh wait. Go fuck yourself. I have survived a lot of shit in my life (including bleeding for five days every month since I was ten years old and I still haven't died). So, please don't ever tell me to calm down. Okie dokie? But I digress...
 

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Scrolling through every Kardashian page on instagram, I wonder. Am I feeding into society's misogyny? I simultaneously loathe their manufactured plastic exteriors, yet attempt DIY versions for my own selfies and social media "likes". I slander their rise to fame via sex tapes and greed, but applaud their skills as fierce capitalists and wish I could be as successful. Let's face it, I love to to hate them. And, I fear, if I had a daughter: would she want to be just like a Kardashian? Would she do the "Kylie Challange" and suck on a bottle to literally blow up her lips? Would she want a nose job and cheek implants or botox and a boob job? Would she want an ass sixteen times larger than her waist? Would she want eye lash, nail and hair extensions? What about 3 hours of hair and make up a day? Would she contour her face into a shadow of a girl I once knew? Or would she just be expressing herself? Or finding herself? Once more with feeling: being a woman is confusing! I'm still figuring it out.  
 

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Maybe raising a boy won't be easier. Especially with arrogant, pompous, power hungry, holier than thou, diaper wearing man babies like Trump And Kanye in the spotlight. And who knows, maybe my son will want to be just like a Kardashian! Are we all screwed? I don't know. All I know is that I want my son to be one of the good guys. Fighting for equality, full of respect, and fearlessly caring. And of course, I will whole heartedly accept his full-range use of the f-word. It'll probably be his first word.  

Now...if only I can capture that on film and make it go viral...